My twins are almost two!

No words can adequately describe this journey. The heartbreak, the joy, and the sheer exhaustion. Jefferson and Jackson are almost 2-years-old now and it's been the best time of my life. I still look at them and can't believe they are mine. I sometimes just stare at them until they say "mommy" and I realize this is real. They are mine and they are real.

The shots, the bruises, the medication, and the heartache after every negative pregnancy test is now a distant memory. My life is now filled with little smiles, dirty toddler laundry, and lots of giggles.

I am thankful for my life, my boys, and this journey...

Two Boys!

We have confirmed that our twins are two little boys! We are very excited about the news and have begun trying to figure out names! I must say that this pregnancy has been pretty great. I expected morning sickness, constant discomfort, constipation, skin breakouts....but luckily I  have had minimum symptoms.

Maybe my body has been prepped for the influx of hormones due to all of the IVF medications that I was on. I already flooded my body with synthetic forms of estrogen and progesterone and HCG trigger shots, so perhaps my babies production of these hormones didn't impact me? Whatever the reason I am very very thankful. I do have dry skin, some nausea and discomfort from my belly skin stretching out. But honestly that is nothing compared to what many women pregnant with twins have!

We have told friends, family AND Facebook about the pregnancy! So it must be real now! I am still in awe of this entire process. To see the babies growing and moving is completely amazing to me and there are times that I don't believe it is real - STILL! And I am now 15.5 weeks pregnant.

What is neat is that the babies already have their own little personalities. Baby A - I call him the wild one. He is always dancing and moving around, kicking and punching in the ultrasounds. I even saw him playing with his tongue and trying to interact with his brother. Baby B - I call him the peaceful one. Last  ultrasound it looked like he was praying! Always calm, with subtle movements and he likes to turn away from the noise of the ultrasound.

Hard to really complain about pregnancy when you've tried so hard to get here! I just try to appreciate every moment, knowing they will be here before we know it and will have a new set of challenges and joys. My day revolves around making sure I eat enough of the right foods and drink enough water to keep the babies nourished. I pack a huge lunch bag of snacks to work each day and I now eat for purpose instead of pleasure! As my body changes shape, I get more excited about the big day! Hoping we make the full 38 weeks and deliver mid-August! Can't wait to meet our little boys!

We're Having Twins!

We are having twins!!  Saw the two little babies for the first time at 6.5  weeks and have seen them every week since.  Heard their hearts  beating several times now and there is no greater joy than that!

I am now what they consider 10  weeks pregnant and counting down the days to the second trimester.  Today I graduated from the fertility clinic and officially can move on to a regular OB!  Today the twins were wiggling around and it was amazing to see their arms and legs  moving around! I am in complete awe of this process.

I feel so lucky to have no morning sickness,  just lots of nausea. I had to change my eating habits completely,  wear sea bands and  eat only small portions at a time.  I hate drinking water,  but for the twins I drink as much as I can stand. I cannot complain about  it though,  because I feel truly blessed  to even be pregnant.

I am two days away from finishing PIO  shots!  That will be a true day of celebration!  I look back on all the meds and procedures and heartbreak... and it's all been worth it. The end result of being pregnant takes away the sorrow of two years of struggles.

 Life is good!!

Christmas Blessing - We Are Pregnant!!!

December 25, 2013

I am so excited to announce that after two years of trying, four  failed IUI's,  and one failed FET...we  are  finally  pregnant!! I can't explain how happy we are for this blessing. Seven  days after transfer I got the urge to test,  so bought  a couple different kinds of pregnancy tests after work and rushed home! I made my husband hold the test afterwards because I was too nervous to look at it.  Then after a couple minutes we looked and there  was the faint blue cross... something I had never seen in real life!! I dreamt of this moment forever and thought I would cry and then be so happy.  But in reality I was freaked out and nervous and sweaty!!

I ended up taking a pregnancy test each morning until my beta.  First time going  in for a beta test and feeling confident!  Nurse called me a  little after 2:30pm. I have to say that after receiving so many calls from the fertility clinic telling me I'm not pregnant and looking at negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test, I wondered if I would ever hear the words "Congratulations,  you are pregnant!" To finally hear those beautiful words,  was heavenly!!  First beta at 9dpt  was 316!   She said that was a really good  number and that it should increase 60%  every 48  hours.  So at 13dpt I got my second beta and it was 1554!!

Everyone says pregnancy  after infertility  does not seem real  until the baby actually pops out,  which I thought was ridiculous... but I am having a hard time grasping  that this is real. I have another beta on December 30 &  then my first ultrasound on January 8.  I'm hoping that when we see the heartbeat,  it will hit us that it's real!

For now, I go to acupuncture,  still take all the same meds I did during the TWW,
switched to all  natural beauty products ( no more glycolic acids for me!),  watch what I eat and pray and meditate daily!  Plus I bought a pregnancy journal and downloaded a pregnancy app too see how the baby develops week to week.

Honestly,  as I write this I feel like someone else is writing it.  Thinking back to how many other peoples IVF  blogs I've read where they get pregnant and I cry and now I'm writing mine!! Please don't pinch me if I'm dreaming, I want to live in this dream forever.

I am so grateful for the love,  positive thoughts and prayers from our friends and  family.  We could not have gotten through it without them,  for this we are  so blessed.

I can't wait to watch our babies grow!

The Embryos Have Arrived (FET #2)

December 13, 2013

So the three embryos are now resting comfortably in my uterus, hopefully finding a peaceful place to burrow and implant! Two days ago I had the transfer and the RE said everything went great. He gave us a higher success rate (68-72%) this time and a higher chance of twins (50%). I used a different acupuncturist this time (one they recommended) and he was much better than the last one. No pain, immediately calming and according to the embryologist, my uterus was much more relaxed. I had the choice between two acupuncturists  and I picked the Chinese doctor, only because he was Chinese! Feels more authentic! Hey I am half Chinese so I can think these things :)

The acupuncture session both before and immediately after the transfer was completely relaxing and put my mind elsewhere. I cried a bit as I felt the release of tension. I tried to envision a white light surrounding my uterus, as a friend was doing a prayer for us with her prayer group at that exact moment and suggested I try this vision. At one point I felt out of my body and surrounded by a loving feeling, it was a great experience. I go again on Sunday for another session.

The day after transfer my mom's friend (who is a minister) came over and did a blessing for the embryos and then we had dinner. She used to babysit me when I was little, so it was a very personal and special moment.

All things are looking up and I'm keeping a positive outlook. My mom has been cooking homemade breakfast, lunch and dinners as I enjoy the 48 hours of bed rest. I'm not really following the old wives tales this time...but I am eating more protein, drinking a lot of water, and constantly wearing socks. The acupuncturist said to keep my feet warm, as cold feet can make the uterus contract. So I figure that is an easy one to do!

Same as last time, my husband is giving me intramuscular progesterone shots and lovenox shots every morning. We are getting good at the progesterone shots (no pain and no lumps), but the lovenox just burns!! Fact is that is just how the medicine is and nothing you can do about it.

Good news is that I'm not having the emotional side effects from all the meds like last time. Although sleeping is not the best still. My worry seems to get the best of me at night. During the day though I'm getting a lot of cuddle time with my dogs, and mother-daughter time. Two days and then I go back to work, so I'm enjoying this while I can.

We find out if we are pregnant December 23, right before Christmas! We are hoping and I am praying for a holiday miracle. We are so ready to be parents! Let's hope we can celebrate Christmas with the best news ever!!

We Have Five Embryos!!

November 18, 2013

So far our embryos are doing so much better than last time!!  They retrieved six eggs,  all six were mature and all six fertilized!  By day of freeze we only lost one, due to an abnormal cell (3pn vs 2pn).  Keep in mind last time we went from six embryos to two embryos by day of freeze. We are ecstatic about the results this time!!  Three of the embryos are rated good quality and two are rated poor quality.

Ok so maybe I'm over zealous or just stupid... but I was hoping the doctor would put all of the embryos back in! I mean why not?  We've got them let's use them :)  Apparently according to guidelines you are only supposed to put in two good quality embryos to reduce the chances of high order multiples ( triplets+). Trust me I argued my point to put in all three good ones,  but to no avail.  So the doctor agreed to put in two good and one poor
embryo.  The poor embryo adds only 6%  chance,  but I will take what I can get!

December 11  is the embryo transfer date and I am counting down the days, hours and minutes!!  My mom is coming to stay with me during the couch rest days and I plan to just relax and enjoy the time off of work. Last time I stressed way to much, I mean constantly worrying about the embryos and  if they implanted,  how I was eating,  was I getting up too much,  did I sleep enough, etc.  This  time I am wiser and just look forward to December 11,  when I will happily be PUPO (pregnant  until  proven  otherwise).

Stim Phase...Again...

October 15, 2013

Well I am gearing up for IVF #2! Started the Stim phase six days ago and I had my first monitoring ultrasound today. I am taking three shots in the belly, one less than last time, but still following the long Lupron protocol (RE took out Menopur, he thinks it was causing my LH levels to be too high). I found that taking the shots at first was really difficult this time. I had some sort of mental block up about it. My body remembered the last round and was kind of like "ummm why are we doing this again?" My husband starting giving me the shots, which got him more involved in the process and also took the stress off of me mentally!

At my ultrasound today, good news was that I had no cysts! Last cycle I had a big remaining cyst. However, I only had five follicles today there were big enough to measure (5mm +). I can't remember how many follicles I had last time at this point, so not sure if that is good or bad. I know for women with my condition (DOR) it is pretty good. We will know in the next week if they are growing. In two days I go back for another ultrasound and more blood work. I keep praying that these follicles grow and that we have more to choose from this time around.

Once again we are super blessed to be in this situation to even have another chance at getting pregnant! So when people ask me "How can you go through this again?", this is what I say:  "I am so lucky to go through this actually!"

Nothing is more powerful than the hope that this will work.